Colin Farrell takes Hollywood by storm

1. Colin Farrell Cracks Hollywood


Here's a jaw-dropper – since his big-screen breakthrough in Joel Schumacher's Tigerland back in 2000, the Castleknock Kid has shot 23 movies this decade, with five due for release next year alone. He's been to tabloid hell and back, surviving rehab, a sex tape, the attentions of Britney Spears and box-office duds aplenty. Fact: Farreller is a right and proper movie star. One heck of an actor. And a big ride. By way of a reminder, check out 2003's Intermission. Thank Jaysus he failed his Westlife audition.


2. We go nuts for Aldi and Lidl


For the better part of the decade, admitting one did the weekly shop in either of these no-frills German budget emporiums – wherever you'll find one, you'll find the other – was tantamount to commiting social hara-kiri. Even though we were all doing it. Now we're broke, and Aldi is officially the new Marks & Sparks: everything's a luxury item nowadays, dear. It's all about the randomness: you pop in for milk and bread and leave with a hedge strimmer. Who cares if you don't have a hedge to strim? It's a bargain!


3. Roy Keane checks out of Saipan


Seven years ago, young Royston Keane enjoyed a lively and constructive discourse with then Ireland manager Michael McCarthy, concerning the facilities on offer to him and his footballing cohorts in the build-up to the 2002 World Cup. The duo failed to resolve said differences, resulting in the Biggest Irish News Story Of The Decade, bar none. In retrospect, the greatest tragedy isn't that we were robbed of Keano's talent but that Roy's legendary dressing-room freak-out isn't available for future generations to enjoy on YouTube.


4. Eddie Hobbs predicts the recession


Seriously, dude, go away. Right now, we're blaming you for everything.


5. Glen Hansard wins an oscar


A decade ago, Glen Hansard resigned himself to the fact that, despite the slow-burning cult success enjoyed by his long-time band The Frames, he was destined to spend the rest of his life as "yer man out of The Commitments". When Hansard finally returned to the screen, in a role originally intended for Cillian Murphy in a micro-budget indie musical, little did he know that he'd wind up with an Oscar for Best Original Song, a new band – The Swell Season – that would sell out Radio City Music Hall and a cameo in The Simpsons. Overnight success after 20 years. That's what we call playing the long game.


6. The luas arrives in Dublin's fair city


The Daniel-Day (oh, the wit) was warmly embraced by the people of Dublin upon its arrival on 26 September 2004 – a year late, naturally. It's now estimated over 90,000 punters use the service daily. What's more, the complete absence of logic displayed by the Luas lines – the Red and Green lines were originally meant to intersect at O'Connell Street, but it hasn't happened yet – have rebooted the age-old northside/southside divide for the 21st century. All together, now: "Next stop: Fatima."


7. The smoking ban fights fire with fire


What's that? Ban smoking in pubs? Are you mental? We won't stand for it! Are we not Irish? Are we not warriors? Nobody tells us what to do. It'll be a cold day in hell before we... What's that? Fined, you say? The guards, you say? Riiiiiiiiight. We'll just be outside, flirting drunkenly in the doorway. Sure, it's where all the action is happening, anyhow.


8. The breakfast roll man is born


Less a culinary delight, more a metaphor in a baguette, the breakfast roll was the fuel that drove the Celtic Tiger, as celebrated in song by the hillllllllarious Pat Shortt: "Two eggs, two rasher, two sausage, two bacon / Two puddins, one black and white / All placed like a tower on top of each other / And then wrapped up good and tight." Then there was Breakfast Roll Man, the creation of David 'McDreamy' McWilliams and the poster child for our aspirational society: these days, his arteries are congested, his jeep's been repossessed and, chances are, he's breakfast rolling his ass down to the dole office. Do they still do butter vouchers?


9. Boutique events were all the rage


Phew! It was all very "boutique" there for a bit. Boutique being the nice way of saying over-priced and – ooh, get this – intentionally underpopulated. Boutique bars, hotels and, most notably, boutique festivals, in particular the Electric Picnic, the annual freak-out for all those petty bourgeois Celtic Cubs who wouldn't be caught dead at Oxegen, and a true generational definer. These days, a boutique event means nobody turned up.


10. The plastic bag levy turns us a bit green


AKA The Greatest Green Initiative EVER. How do you make the people give up their addiction to plastic shopping bags? Charge 'em 22 piddling cent a go, that's how. Granted, they haven't come with much since but when the environment minister (and leader of the Greens) can't prevent the construction of a massive waste incinerator – an environmental nightmare – in his own Dublin constituency, what do you expect?


11. Westlife conquer the world*


Forty-three million records sold. That's right: 43 million records. Really. And Brian McFadden was last spotted working in the Saggart branch of Subway**.


* Slight exaggeration ** Just plain untrue


12. We love to hate Michael O'Leary and Ryanair


Admit it: somewhere deep in our hearts, there's a sneaking suspicion Michael O'Leary might be the only man capable of dragging Ireland out of the financial mire. Because as love-hate relationships go, we love to hate the Ryanair CEO – what's more, he actively encourages it. Much as we piss and moan about the Ryanair experience, we love our cheap flights. A brilliant media manipulator, to boot, it says plenty that the defining Irish businessman of the modern age doesn't give a shite about his customers. You get what you pay for, kids. Just ask Michael. And he'll tell you to go and shite.


13. Dundrum altar


There are those who say religion has been marginalised in contemporary Ireland... What nonsense: the faithful devoted have merely switched teams, flocking in their thousands to worship in the ultimate cathedral of consumerism. Forget Fatima: the Dundrum shopping centre plays host to divine retail epiphanies hourly in Harvey Nicks. Blessed are those with an extended line of credit, for they simply must have those shoes.


14. Multicultural Ireland takes flight


We're not racist, or anything, but we always felt that Ireland would be a much happier place if we could just get rid of the bloody Micks. They're always complaining, for starters. And they're everywhere. With prosperity came payback for the millions upon millions of freckled, ginger-haired immigrants we foisted upon the world over the centuries: multicultural Ireland, a place where nationalities from all across the globe can be exploited for appalling wages. That's if we let lucky you in to begin with. Céad míle feck off, etc.


15. 'Celebs' arrive


While we finally appear to have shaken off the unfortunate knack of producing one Eurovision Song Contest winner after another (conspiracy theory: RTÉ ensure our Eurosong is shite, meaning they don't have to host the flippin' thing), Ireland has provided a seemingly endless stream of reality television icons, from Brian Dowling to Jedward, while the local media-verse colluded to create a generation of inane anti-stars to fill tabloid pages and populate dodgy daytime shows. We are all D-list celebrities now.


16. Croke park opens the floodgates


On 16 April 2005, the GAA passed a motion to temporarily relax Rule #42, meaning, for the first time in its 100-year plus history, "foreign" games could be played on the hallowed turf of Croke Park. These days, Croker's stunning new state of the art facility regularly plays host to the twin evils of soccer and rugby: the defining moment of the new era occurred when 'God Save The Queen' was played, without incident, before an Ireland-England rugger international in 2007. The mere concept would have been unthinkable even a decade previously. More disturbingly, Westlife sold out the gaff in 2008.


17. The rise and rise of the Irish gangsta


Limerick has finally shaken off its Stab City tag – these days they have guns, instead.


18. Commuter belt spreads the fat of the land


Once upon a time, Ireland had a countryside. Then the builders took over and before long the only green belt left was the one holding up John Gormley's pants. Why build 10 houses, after all, when you can build a hundred? The nation swiftly became one neverending suburb as, seemingly overnight, every small to medium-sized town and village in Ireland began to look exactly the same: ring road, bypass and retail complex, punctuated by branches of Spar, Centra, Aldi and Lidl. The mania for property acquisition – YOU MUST OWN A HOUSE! YOU MUST OWN A HOUSE! – saw well-meaning folks taking their asses to the most obscure corners of the country. These days, Ireland is built, the Dublin commuter belt stretches to Letterkenny and your mortgage payment is overdue. Happy new decade!


19. The GAA player comes out


Back in the primordial pop cultural murk of the '90s, groundbreaking Irish gay publication GI caused a major stir by putting a pair of gaelic football players – both of them MEN, no less! – in a passionate embrace on their front cover. As if such a thing could ever happen! Flash-forward to 2009 and Cork hurler Donal Óg Cusack becomes the first major Irish sporting figure to publicly come out. The most shocking part of the whole affair? That homosexuality is still a controversial issue in 21st-century Ireland. Sad but true.


20. The hand of frog sticks in our throat


Ireland sees out the decade as a pale shadow of its former self – and that's before Thierry Bloody Henry goes and ruins everything. Fact: we definitely would have won the World Cup this time. At least the FAI handled the situation with the usual tact and diplomacy, using Jedi mind tricks in an effort to convince Fifa to let us be the 33rd team. Go on, please? Pretty please? Face it: the only way is up, baby.