Sex, scandal and sensational headlines: Vanessa Perroncel with her publicist Max Clifford

When the Dad of the Year and the French lingerie model allegedly had an affair, it was always going to be about more than the spiciness of the sauce or electricity in the satin. But John Terry and Vanessa Perroncel are a virtual cliché in comparison to news stories here that have brought Irish attitudes to infidelity into full focus.


During the trial of Eamonn Lillis, his former lover Jean Treacy gave evidence of their affair in such a matter-of-fact manner as to make onlookers question their own feelings and opinions on what used to be called adultery. Iris Robinson has also, rightly or wrongly, altered the stereotypes usually associated with such stories by her admission that she instigated the affair with her 19-year-old lover. Apart from the sex, scandal and sensational headlines, has there now been a reappraisal of infidelity in a supposedly more open society? Has the fascination with these news stories led to public consideration of morality as something not solely framed by dangerous sexual liaisons?


The consensus among those we spoke to is that any change in attitude to infidelity is more about acceptance that it is a reality, and less about making harsh judgements. We've matured in a way that sees loyalty and trust being at least as important to contemplate as the latest sex scandal.


"If there is any good to come out of this recession, it's that there will be a return to core values," says solicitor Ann O'Neill, a specialist in family law. "Of course the very public cases of high-profile figures who conducted an affair over such a long period of time, such as Charles Haughey and Terry Keane, will always attract public opprobrium. But it's not so much from a religious or moral basis. It's to do with that other morality – the one based on trust and loyalty to all concerned."


Hothouse


Outside the hothouse of celebrity, in the cases O'Neill deals with she has found a tangible change in attitude, at least towards those whose marriage breaks down, and it's something to welcome. But to some extent, this is because the more prosaic reality of divorce and marital breakdown is a long way from the divided loyalties of infidelity and more to do with incompatibility.


"Growing up, I didn't know of anyone who had separated or divorced. You just never heard about it – and I was brought up in south Dublin. People now may have different expectations from marriage, but separation and divorce is not something most people walk into lightly. In my day-to-day experience in family law, what happens in high-profile cases reported in the news doesn't really affect attitudes generally. And most of the couples I see are not breaking up because of non-marital relationships, they end because a couple just don't get on." Financial strain is also a big factor. "The reality is that the economy is more an issue with people than infidelity."


Those are the deeper questions not likely to be explored behind the more sensational headlines which home in purely on the sexual aspect. But there is the view that it's the betrayal of trust that affects public attitudes at a more profound level.


In the case of John Terry, it's as much about loyalty among friends as it is about infidelity, says one sports writer. "I think the reason this has hit such a nerve is that it's one of his team mates he's betrayed. He's broken the all-important dressing-room code. I wouldn't think the infidelity itself is something that footballers would see as a hanging offence and his ability to lead the team isn't an issue either for the players. And yet, he has touched a nerve among them."


The effect these stories have on kids and teenagers is of concern, especially in an increasingly sexualised culture. But would your average football-obsessed 13-year-old be confused or worried about infidelity – or know what it means?


It would be wrong to underestimate kids' understanding of these stories and, in fact, the younger generation may be more accepting of those living openly in an extra-marital relationship – simply because in most classrooms in the country now there are kids from all kinds of family units. That's how writer and children's book consultant Sarah Webb sees it. Part of her research involves making dozens of school visits every year and talking to children.


"They are smart and amazing to listen to. And I think young children and teens are less interested in footballers' love lives than you might think. Television characters, maybe. Someone in Desperate Housewives for example – 5th- and 6th-year girls love that show – along with Glee, Scrubs and House. But footballers? No."


She agrees that 'celebrity culture' has a lot to answer for with regards to attitudes to morality – and that adults as consumers of this culture must take responsibility for that with the astonishing amount of magazines crammed on newsagents shelves. But Webb believes kids understand very well that the fact that 'celebrities' and certain politicians are not loyal to their partners doesn't mean that it's either cool, or something to aspire to.


"Loyalty is vital, especially to teenagers. They should be asked their opinions more often – they are often the voice of reason, I've found, and quite moral in black-and-white terms at times."


As professor of modern history at UCD, Diarmaid Ferriter's work also brings him into contact with a younger generation whose attitudes are not governed by the conservative church and state of old.


He has written about radical changes in Irish society in his recent book Occasions of Sin, and remembers it was once the view that it was only British papers that were full of scandal about infidelity among the upper classes. Now our own press no longer adopts the 'hands-off' approach, and that has led to more open discussion and less denial.


"Irish papers used to be more circumspect in stories involving extra-marital affairs among senior public figures.


"In l999, a broadsheet paper photographed a married, high-profile politician in a car in the Dublin mountains with a woman not his wife; but they didn't publish the pictures because they couldn't find any evidence that he had portrayed himself as a champion of family values or lectured about the sanctity of marriage – which would have justified such a revelation."


Affair


The affair between Charles Haughey and Terry Keane is a classic example of one so many people knew about, but no paper would publish. It was only when Keane herself went public over it that the media frenzy began.


A significant change in attitude was inevitable after the passing of divorce legislation in 1995, and with it a less puritanical view, Ferriter says. "Because who is to sit in judgement about errant sexual behaviour? Certainly not the church, which has made such a complete mess of issues involving morality."


Our language used in relation to infidelity has altered, and with it, much of the stigma attaching to those not conforming to the religious and constitutional ideal of the traditional family.


In turn, this means a less simplistic view is taken. It's the shock of betrayal, as much as the affair itself, that causes so much damage, says Mary O'Connor, psycho-sexual therapist and relationship counsellor.


"I can only speak of the experience from those I counsel in my own work, and it would seem that 95% of affairs are committed by men. When it's a high-profile case, it's such a public betrayal and you would wonder why the wives of these men would ever consider taking them back. I don't think attitudes have changed towards infidelity as such; we are less in denial about it, and less shocked. At the end of it all you still have two people who have to deal with each other. What I always want to know is why? Where did it go wrong? Was the need sexual? Or was it emotional?"


In the case of John Terry, most people can probably guess the answer to that. On the question of whether he is fit to captain his country at the world cup next summer, many question England coach Fabio Capello's decision to remove him from that responsibility based on his off-field behaviour.


Qualms


But if we were back nearly a quarter of a century ago, there would have been no qualms about the 29-year-old being given the boot. In 1977, Manchester United manager Tommy Docherty was promptly forced to resign when news broke of his adultery with the wife of the club's physiotherapist. When the 49-year-old father of four appeared in public days after his dismissal, he was sporting a black eye courtesy of the jilted Laurie Brown. If that particular scandal back then was settled with a sacking and a shiner, we have come a long way since.


The stories that changed the attitudes of a nation


The Uncrowned King of Ireland and Mrs Katherine O'Shea


In 1889, Charles Stewart Parnell was named in the divorce papers between Captain Willie O'Shea and his wife Katherine. The affair had begun in 1880, but the reputation of Ireland's champion of Home Rule never recovered, while Katherine became referred to in derogatory terms as 'Kitty'. They married in 1891; Parnell died later that year, aged 45.


'My father, the bishop'


In 1992, Annie Murphy revealed her affair with Bishop Eamon Casey which began in the 1970s when she was 23 and he was 46. They had a son, Peter. Her book Forbidden Fruit detailed the affair. She famously took part in an uncomfortable interview with Gay Byrne on the Late Late Show.


The singer, chat show host, father of two and priest


Father Michael Cleary died in 1993, still refusing to acknowledge the two sons he fathered with Phyllis Hamilton. Phyllis, who died in 2001, had been in care from the age of 14 before becoming the priest's housekeeper two years later when he was in his 30s.


"Sweetie"


Charles Haughey's 27-year-long affair with Terry Keane was an open secret but not publicised until the journalist herself revealed it in a Late Late Show interview in 1999. She had repeatedly referred to Haughey as 'Sweetie' in her Sunday Independent column. She died, aged 68, in 2008; the former taoiseach in 2006, aged 80.